To that one follower out there...apologies for not writing for months and then being boring when I did start to write.
Today I am thankful to have a job. I watched people around me receive phone calls to 'come downstairs' which really meant 'you don't have a job here anymore' It's never nice. I imagine what it must be like to phone your family and tell them that kind of news; what situation it must put you in to suddenly be on your way home in the middle of the day when it feels like the rest of the world is at work, where you're supposed to be. I felt bad for everyone who got called down, but at the same time, so selfishly relieved that it wasn't me. I got to be one of those left behind as we gathered in groups to whisper and wonder and breath a sigh of relief.
Monday I was proud of the fact that I made a shopping list, stuck to it and had a menu plan for the week. Today I am over that and just want to get a pizza for dinner. By not freezing things, I'm forcing myself to cook them and it's good for our finances and good for our health, but I still resent it.
I'm off tomorrow to tackle a personal to do list (as opposed to the work one). I'm looking forward to getting random stuff done prior to our weekend house-guest and hopefully manage a walk with the dog. Ah, the dog. The best thing that's happened in ages. I don't know how people with children leave them to go to work because I am missing the dog every day and sometimes wonder how I could swing it to work from home just so she doesn't have to be alone. I act like it would be for her, but really it would be for me because she's so absolutely lovely. I've turned into one of those dog people.
Thursday 3 December 2009
Wednesday 2 December 2009
Dec 2 2009
Day Two.
I joined a gym again. The 4 month hiatus has not been restful; it's been a hassle because I have no routine and I hate the way I feel when I'm not working out. If I had a nickle for every time I bring my gym stuff to work and then do nothing...I'd be rich.
I have lots of desire and very little discipline. I wish I were the type who actually benefited from the daily walks with the dog.
Tomorrow night is the introduction to this new gym. I hate gym introductions. I'd much rather just go and work out.
Thinking about the gym and not working out and how much I eat has instantly propelled me into a funk. It's pathological - I know what to do to feel better and I certainly know what not to do to avoid feeling this bad. This is familiar and not in a good way.
I joined a gym again. The 4 month hiatus has not been restful; it's been a hassle because I have no routine and I hate the way I feel when I'm not working out. If I had a nickle for every time I bring my gym stuff to work and then do nothing...I'd be rich.
I have lots of desire and very little discipline. I wish I were the type who actually benefited from the daily walks with the dog.
Tomorrow night is the introduction to this new gym. I hate gym introductions. I'd much rather just go and work out.
Thinking about the gym and not working out and how much I eat has instantly propelled me into a funk. It's pathological - I know what to do to feel better and I certainly know what not to do to avoid feeling this bad. This is familiar and not in a good way.
Tuesday 1 December 2009
Dec 1 2009
It's 4pm, I'm finding it hard to concentrate on the 'to do' list, I've got a full cup of coffee and am inspired by someone else who vowed to write every day during the month of December.
I've left this site lingering for way too long. It's a shame because enough big stuff has happened over the past months. Would have made good reading.
This feels strange, a bit rusty. I think I'll type a list and hope (assume) that things will flow again soon.
Dinner menu this week:
Monday - turkey burgers, sweet potato fries, quinoa and black bean salad
Tuesday - Thai Salmon wrapped in filo, string beans with mushrooms
Wednesday - prawns in lemon sauce with whole wheat pasta
Thursday - taco's with turkey mince
Friday - pizza from simply fresh
nope, nothing yet. I'll try again tomorrow.
I've left this site lingering for way too long. It's a shame because enough big stuff has happened over the past months. Would have made good reading.
This feels strange, a bit rusty. I think I'll type a list and hope (assume) that things will flow again soon.
Dinner menu this week:
Monday - turkey burgers, sweet potato fries, quinoa and black bean salad
Tuesday - Thai Salmon wrapped in filo, string beans with mushrooms
Wednesday - prawns in lemon sauce with whole wheat pasta
Thursday - taco's with turkey mince
Friday - pizza from simply fresh
nope, nothing yet. I'll try again tomorrow.
Saturday 24 January 2009
Well the ennui seems to have been replaced with something bigger and more.serious. So much so that I've got an actual issue on my hands. No, I can't write about it here. No, I'm not dying and yes, maybe someday I'll tell you about it. Possibly. This is one of Those Things and I'm going to have to just get on and deal with it. Not in the plan.
Why is it that if I don't love my job, I am up at 6am on a saturday to dial into work? because my over-achiever ways are hard to deny. I'm bitter about it; not so much the work because it's hard to complain too much when in pj's. But the principle of it all. The lack of real kudos for going the extra mile. The guilt I feel if I leave before 5pm. It's messed up in the big corporate way. Hate it.
So I've got to go look at houses today. Still feels surreal. Apparantly I can't live in an apartment forever?
Had a date last night. Rocky start for the following reason: when husband plans the date and makes a big-ish deal out of it, said husband is huge jerk for then going for drinks after work. Yes, we still made our date, but the point is that he should have said 'no, i have a date' which is what would have happened if we weren't actually married. I let him have it and then feared that I'd ruined the date. But how else will he learn? I don't ask for much and I'm not generally a demanding person. This has back-fired on me. He told me this week that he's realized recently that he takes me for granted. Then he goes and does this. Who is the bigger fool here? I don't really want to be the teacher all the time. I know that marriage is hard work, but I didn't realize in how many facets and how often. I envisioned big things, and missed the daily, which is often harder and difficult to define.
We saw Slumdog Millionaire and I get all the praise it's getting. Don't ask me to explain, I just really liked it. Especially grateful for the credit as that broke the tension a bit I felt. Long time since I've been at a film where people did not jump up immediately when it ended. I like that.
Rest of the weekend is a mad dash (reason #1 I'm up at 6 working) of open houses and a fundraiser and a basketball game and Chinese New Year. I'll be exhausted by Monday.
Why is it that if I don't love my job, I am up at 6am on a saturday to dial into work? because my over-achiever ways are hard to deny. I'm bitter about it; not so much the work because it's hard to complain too much when in pj's. But the principle of it all. The lack of real kudos for going the extra mile. The guilt I feel if I leave before 5pm. It's messed up in the big corporate way. Hate it.
So I've got to go look at houses today. Still feels surreal. Apparantly I can't live in an apartment forever?
Had a date last night. Rocky start for the following reason: when husband plans the date and makes a big-ish deal out of it, said husband is huge jerk for then going for drinks after work. Yes, we still made our date, but the point is that he should have said 'no, i have a date' which is what would have happened if we weren't actually married. I let him have it and then feared that I'd ruined the date. But how else will he learn? I don't ask for much and I'm not generally a demanding person. This has back-fired on me. He told me this week that he's realized recently that he takes me for granted. Then he goes and does this. Who is the bigger fool here? I don't really want to be the teacher all the time. I know that marriage is hard work, but I didn't realize in how many facets and how often. I envisioned big things, and missed the daily, which is often harder and difficult to define.
We saw Slumdog Millionaire and I get all the praise it's getting. Don't ask me to explain, I just really liked it. Especially grateful for the credit as that broke the tension a bit I felt. Long time since I've been at a film where people did not jump up immediately when it ended. I like that.
Rest of the weekend is a mad dash (reason #1 I'm up at 6 working) of open houses and a fundraiser and a basketball game and Chinese New Year. I'll be exhausted by Monday.
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